Early Dawn I sit up,
With a start, breathing hard
And sweat upon my brow.
Dreadful nightmare,
But it is over now.
What it was,
I'll never quite know.
Even the birds are still sleeping,
And the wind is still cool.
I just wish this would stop
Being my waking ritual.
Jump out of bed.
Turn around to set the pillows.
And that's when I see it,
Blood. It is all over.
Where did it come from??
My clothes look clean.
Catch a glimpse in the mirror,
And I hear myself scream.
My back is soaked,
Not with sweat, but with blood.
Nothing new, but still a shock.
I wake every day,
Hoping yesterday was only a nightmare
I just wish this would stop
Being my morning ritual.
Take control again,
Wash my sheets clean.
Settle down with my iron file,
And see through the daily scene.
Clear the bathroom floor
Of the blood and dense feathers.
Oh God the pain........
But I can't have any one see this.
What would become of mother?
Out to the street I drag myself.
For a drag of the balmy air.
Out into the thin crowds I head,
Unwelcoming though they are.
"Monster" they call me,
But what they don't know is
How bloody right they all are.
My back hurts something wicked today.
Must be the lash from yesterday.
Don't know don't care,
I just pray it stops.
Stop, it won’t, that much I know.
Don't know why, but I'm so sure.
A few hours later it happens,
My shoulder blades explode.
Screams, not mine, are all I hear
Before pass out from the pain.
I wake up sprawled upon
The empty street,
No one in sight for a mile.
Then I see them crowded
Around the corners, still in shock
At all the blood and gore.
"What happened" I ask
My self I think,
That's when I feel them,
Limp behind me, caressing my back,
Crimson stained raven wings.
I run down the street,
But it is a little while,
Before I get far enough,
For the screams of 'Monster'
To fade into oblivion.
In an abandoned cottage,
I weep myself to sleep.
Why me? Oh God Why me?
I am but fifteen...
Walk up a cliff and,
Look around, at the nests,
Birds and their summer song.
A little one takes off,
And falters , but its ok,
Mother dear is not far away.
It is guided back to safety,
To the nest and back to life.
I look down upon the ocean.
Black waves turn to foam,
Skeletal fingers beckoning me,
Welcoming me into its depths.
The wind is cool on my face,
And I know my time has come.
The pain of mind and body will
Kill me soon enough.
So there and then I make my choice,
To end it on my terms
Once my mind is made up,
I submit readily to fate,
Spread my wings and take the plunge
The world passes by in a daze.
As I plummet through the darkness,
For my wings can't take my weight,
I wonder if mother will come.
“No” I tell my self.
"That's only for the birds."
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