Saturday, June 30, 2012

Love - I

   Will restrict this discussion to the interaction between adult humans for the sake of linearity. The remaining variations will be factored in in the coming write-ups.

   Its complicated by its simplicity. Its just that we see it in its many variations, and are often led on by its not difficult to mistake diminutive cousins, lust, infatuation, and my favourite, misunderstanding. If you're getting the drift here, all these are our reactions to external stimuli.

   Lust is driven by one or more physical sense and when that is superimposed over the primal drive to mate, leads to a very strong mix, heavily supported by chemical impetus, easily mistaken for love due to the similar initial. But its akin to mistaking a room cooler for an industrial size air conditioner. The first blow of air may seem like heaven from either to a sweating person, but with the cooler, a half hour later you're only slightly better, and your room is not even that, having become a humid mess. Infatuation is lust's lame, impotent cousin.

   Misunderstanding is worth elaboration however. While lust stems primarily from physical appearance of the subject aided sometimes by body language, misunderstanding almost always stems from verbal and non verbal cues, leads to a misplaced or premature notion of initiation or reciprocity from the subject, thus acting as a catalyst for one's own emotional reactions and advances, thereby leading to an untimely demise of the entire 'relationshipling', if I may call it that.
Like the earlier three, love in its unadulterated form is a reaction, but unlike them, not to any single sense but a combination of them all. Throw in a sixth if I dare. And when that happens the value of the result is greater than the sum or even product of the individual components. No credit due to the gestalt school of thought, since I learnt the word after I penned the concept. All that is required for an explosion is reciprocation.
   
The beginnings physically are similar to the earlier phenomenon - the chemical reactions resulting from the brain celebrating having identified a suitable mate to propogate the species. The dilation of the pupils, the activation of the sweat glands, the elevated heart beat, the sinking feeling in the stomach , the works. If you're lucky and the relationship progresses beyond this point, you need to be prepared for the tough part.. Come the 2 year mark, the chemicals which autopilot the interaction so far have normally achieved their objective, and are willing to be spilled for the next viable mating candidate. You are left with manual steering, stick gear shift, and a shattered windshield, so even a nominal speed means the wind and sand blind you. Also the brakes seem to be rigged with explosive - every time you try to slow down, BOOM! Some functionality or progress is lost.

   The obvious question that comes to mind is, why slow down? Well, its because the basic purpose of the engagement has been served, and the question in everyone's head is 'now what?' That's where the difference between love and its cousins comes in. Love doesn't end at mating. It involves a much more complex intertwining of lives and fates. Its about support in times of need, some one to brag to when you succeed, shoulder to cry on when you fail, someone to share vacations with, someone to bring your kids up with, someone to reinstate your faith in yourself when the world thinks you're a douche, in short someone to share life with. Sounds good. Hunky Dory even. What's the problem then? Why the heart burn and the conflict and the hesitation to commit even when you know that the person in front of you is fit to share your life with?


   As mentioned, love is a mutually beneficial unwritten social contract we seek to enter with a person we judge suitable. Admission of love by extension is a declaration of handing power over yourself to another person. And that is the little bone that can choke the bravest, most dreamy of people. Granting someone non trivial control of your life is the trade off for all goodies listed above.
So its just that really, the good ol' pro and con. You willing to compromise a serious amount of freedom for a promised friend and companion, love is for you. Else steer clear... The price is clearly printed on the ticket- you want an exclusive deal, you'll have to give an exclusive deal... You'll be surprised how many go for the first option. I always am. Coming up next, other forms of love...